It’s tricky because I have never been one of those people who seriously plans out their lives. I mean yeah, I have plans on the short term, but it got hard because it felt like every dream I had either turned out to kind of suck, or my priorities changed.

As far as where I thought I would be a year ago, I never would have imagined my circumstances would have changed this much. I thought we would still be living in the same house, dealing with the same people and circumstances, while just helping take care of my niece. It was roughly a year ago when we started helping take care of my husband’s grandmother and the way everyone was acting, it felt like we would be trapped doing that until God forbid she passed away. Not that I did not mind helping her, but there were those moments in which we had to cancel plans or cut holidays short in order to get back in time to make sure she had dinner. It felt like our lives only mattered when it came to the benefit of those around us. That sort of mentality got passed to us to the point where we kind of resigned ourselves to believe our purpose was solely to make everyone’s lives easier while ignoring our own. Thank God we are finally breaking out of it though.

To see so much progress already done with the whole van thing is crazy to me. We were able to go up to the garage today and get a bit of a rundown on what all they recommend us changing and it almost made me tear up a bit just seeing the van on the lift. It felt solidified that this was actually happening, after all these years of disappointment and regret from not taking chances. We still have so much work to do on it, but man it feels good to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. After dealing with depressions and anxiety from feeling like I was just drifting through life, it has been a bit of a struggle feeling that clarity again, as though I have just woken up from being asleep these past few years.