Feeling Out of Place (DP#32)

The Gentle Chapter

Feeling Out of Place (DP#32)

September 24, 2025

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"If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you."
John 15:19

As somebody who has always battled with social anxiety, I live feeling out of place lol

When I was in school, I was never the first one to instigate a conversation. This led to those that were more extraverted to create their cliques early on. I did make friends obviously, which helped me to break out little by little but then it turned into the issue of socio-economic status. It seemed like the most outspoken people had everything they wanted. Their parents had more money than my parents so I could not relate to their conversations about having the next best things. When you are in elementary school, the comparison game is real and jealousy is strong which made me feel isolated once again.

When I started getting more into my faith, obviously the more outspoken you are, the more people will naturally distance themselves from you. I realized that on paper but experiencing that in reality was tough. This caused me to act very un-Christian like front of my peers which caused me to begin to feel out of place with my church family. I began feeling guilty which led me to stop going to church and feeling isolated from God because my faith was weakened. It was a dark period of my life for sure.

Once I graduated high school, I began to come back to church little by little. I realized that it is okay to feel out of place from the world. This allowed me to be more stable in my own character while still being able to have relationships with people who may have different views than me. I still struggle with social anxiety, but I do not allow it to have as strong of a hold on myself that I used to.

5 responses to “Feeling Out of Place (DP#32)”

observationblogger

Sep 25, 2025 at 7:42 am

‘It seemed like the most outspoken people had everything they wanted. Their parents had more money than my parents so I could not relate to their conversations about having the next best things.’
– this was exactly my experience at school. I also wrote about it in my blog:

‘The kids at my school had made up their minds. I was the Trax boy; the school kid who wore the cheapest sneakers. Most of the kids’ families had farms with parents who wore flannelettes – not the untucked Western Suburbs style which smelt of bourbon but the settled, crisp, happily country garb which reeked of ‘contented money’. These rich come-ins lived on cheap land (well, modest for them) with newly built double-storey houses; driveways manicured by shiny white pebbles – not the sharp suburban asphalt ones which tore your legs to shreds’.

You are right Ashley – ‘it is okay to feel out of place from the world’. Conformity and peer acceptance is overrated, gal! lol Also it can lead to dangerous societal phenomenons like Mass Formation and Hypnosis see Nazi Germany 1930’s and Communism under Stalin, and buying into the narrative of ‘Lockdowns’ as seen in COVID. It was the precursor of totalitarian states in the early 20th Century.

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1. Ashley Kittrell
  
  Sep 27, 2025 at 6:57 am
  
  Hindsight it definitely 20/20. Succumbing to peer pressure as a child forces you to assume the visage of somebody else. I know personally, I have done extremely stupid things in the name of fitting in, some not so socially allowed lol
  
  It’s funny how you mentioned the outspoken ones are typically the ones who have the most. I have come across so many of those kids who were actually on the lower economic scale who would never stop lol I don’t know if their parents taught them to have confidence regardless of their possessions, or if they were blatantly guilty of putting on a mask to fit in.
  
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  1. observationblogger
    
    Sep 28, 2025 at 4:39 am
    
    Ok, spill the beans. What stupid things have you done? I want some gossip and I want it now!
    I’m just being silly hehe.
    
    The topic of confident, outspoken individuals is such an interesting one. You’re right – I’m sure that kind of brashness also shows up in students from lower socio-economic backgrounds. Maybe it’s because the hardships and mistreatment they face at home have toughened them up, making them street-smart and cunning at school. Some might be growing up in single-parent households, for example, where their mother drills into them time and again: ‘Don’t take any sh%t.’ I don’t know… but it sure is fascinating.
    
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  2. Ashley Kittrell
    
    Sep 28, 2025 at 8:43 am
    
    Lol I will divulge one such story:
    
    I was in elementary school, and I was in a small friend group with mostly girls and one boy (said boy was constantly trying to get us to do something stupid so he probably should not have been involved). We were riding bikes one day and we came across this house of which had a reputation amongst the kids in the neighborhood. Someone had concocted this story that somebody had been murdered in the house and now it was haunted. We were very interested in ghost stories, so we ride on up to the yard and notice a car in the driveway. Again, our imaginations took off, and we decide to walk up into the driveway and are looking into this car. The windows were a bit dirty, so I had the BRIGHT idea to try the handle, not expecting it to open mind you, alas it does, and we notice one of those ice scraper thingies in the passenger seat. My other intelligent friend over here reaches in and grabs it off the seat and we have convinced ourselves through mass stupidity that this MUST be the murder weapon. We instantly freak out since now we are implicated due to our fingerprints being all over the place, so we slam the door and take off, FLOORING IT on our bikes. It was horrendous.
    Looking back, we are all insanely grateful nobody caught us. Particularly being in Texas, you never know who is armed and we were looking extremely shady on some poor random person’s property lol
    
    It is definitely interesting to see how rich and poor parents may treat their children differently and instill different values into them. Those poorer street-smart kids were always the most intimidating to me since they always acted like they were able to read everything about you on the spot.
    
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  3. observationblogger
    
    Sep 29, 2025 at 7:11 am
    
    I read your story yesterday, but as you may have already gleaned I almost always only write comments / responses etc in the morning (on my third cuppa hehe).
    
    Your story reminded me so much of the the clip from ‘To Kill a Mockingbird’ when the kids go messing around entering Boo Radley’s house and nearly get caught.
    
    Your story indeed highlights how Kids’ imaginations in times of fear and stress can sure get the better of them and seem upon retrospect just downright illusory.
    
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