The Gentle Chapter

Focusing on the Future or Past (DP#124)

—

It greatly depends.

As long as I am having a pretty good day mentally, I am mainly focused on the future. Particularly now with all the van stuff and making sure we have a schedule about when everything is going to be done mechanically, so we can change gears to the interior. Having a meaty project or goal like this, forces me to stay grounded and focused on what is important right now. I feel the most motivated when I can focus my mind to the things that have not happened yet, since there is no failure there, just hope and the will power to push through the ups and downs.

On the flip side, when I am down in my feels and sorrows, my mind is shut off from the present things and is solely just rehashing things from the past. It is very similar to having tunnel vision during these times. At that point, my mind is so overwhelmed, so it feels impossible to focus on the now. It is during these moments, which luckily are occurring less and less, that I begin to stress about everything and second guess our decisions and where we are currently. I have gotten slightly better at gauging when I am going to begin to spiral, which is typically brought on by stress, so I just walk away for a bit and take a break to refocus and recenter myself.

46 responses to “Focusing on the Future or Past (DP#124)”

  1. observationblogger Avatar
    observationblogger

    It must help a lot having this channel to get things off your chest too, I feel honoured just to be able to read about it. Yeh, I know how suppressive it can feel when I’m in a lock of negative thinking and rehashing stupid things from the past. It’s such a waste of time and life. I think inactivity and latency instigates it, for me at least. It’s great that you can see where the spiral beginning and do something about it – being proactive. That’s definitely something I need to look at as well.

    Reply
    1. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
      Ashley Kittrell

      This blog has been such a blessing as well. It is crazy how long I have been wanting to create a space like this; I just never had the push to do it until last August. I was literally mainly bored at the time, and I did not want to fill that latency with smoking like I was, so I opted for reading and writing about it lol

      Once the past is the past, it is always a waste of time dwelling on it still. I understand having good memories, but you cannot make it the present. It is literally the hardest thing for me to stop, even when I do see the pattern once again. I swear it is a massive generational curse for everybody since my mom and grandma are the same.

      Reply
      1. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        So you’ve effectively replaced an unhealthy and dirty habit like smoking with two healthy ones—reading and writing. That’s genuinely commendable, and I wish you every success with your fantastic blog.

        I’ve also found that writing on my blog is cathartic. I mostly write about impersonal topics, though sometimes from a personal perspective. I find that writing forces you to process your thoughts, which is obviously healthy for our noggins 😄 Even writing these comments to you, I find, is mentally beneficial.

        The irony is that my blog has one of the smallest readerships you could possibly hope for. ROFL! I’ve been posting almost daily since 2019, so I must rub people up the wrong way from time to time. Oh well—I was never exactly the popular kid at school. Same old. HAHA

      2. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        It is still a struggle for sure but yeah. I have noticed a lack of a craving for the Devil’s lettuce lol I am glad for sure, it just feels ridiculous since I should not have gotten to that point to begin with. I appreciate the kind words.

        That is true that writing forces you to process your inner workings. After all, you want to sound as cohesive as possible and not like an idiot lol You have to think about how others will perceive what you said as well so it is almost like talking to a counselor or something. When you have people to validate what you are saying, it is quite invigorating and freeing.

        I found myself caring too much about the numbers, so I have stopped paying too close attention to it. I know I have said PLENTY of things to upset people or simply rub them the wrong way, but I do not really care so I get you lol

      3. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        I had to look up what “the Devil’s Lettuce” referred to. Lol. I’m glad you recognise the futility of going down that road again. You have great strategies in place to ensure it doesn’t resurface. Yay.

        Re the writing process – yes, a writer is in a constant mental wrestle over what they really want to say and how it will be read and perceived by the intended readership. For example, in the article I wrote today, I really wanted at one point to write about how the song made me want to cradle and nurse it — but I realised that, despite that being how I kinda felt, it would most likely be received as too emotive and perhaps taken the wrong way.

        For me, I look at the likes simply to see what people want to read about and how they respond. I realised early on that if I write about anything other than music, the likes accrue far less than the norm. And if I write about a popular song by a well-established artist or group, the likes are much higher than usual. All in all, I could have stuck purely to music, written about the same genre of popular hits (and by numbers), and gained a much larger readership – with more likes and more feedback. But I prefer to stick with what gets my creative juices flowing about music, movies, news, and literature that has had the biggest impact on me, rather than chase a gold mine of what’s deemed more interesting by a perceived audience.

        I’m glad you’re sticking to your guns as well – writing about what fascinates you, without lingering too much on how it’s received or the likes and comments it might garner. Good on you. To be honest, that’s what I like most about your blog: the honesty and passion in your posts.

      4. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        Smoking in general is just such a nasty habit that makes my asthma worse, so I did not want to continue down that path for sure.

        Writing can definitely be an enigma for both the reader and writer. Particularly with what to say and how to say it, as you pointed out.
        I remember back in 2nd or 3rd grade where everyone was supposed to write and illustrate a story, then the teacher would send them off and get them turned into hardcover books. For some reason, I was extremely open about my home life so I was writing and coloring pictures about how my parents were always arguing and yelling at each other lol Low and behold, my mom had a chat with the teacher and the counselor. It is kind of humorous now, but I did learn to filter myself lol

        I can see what you mean about how wanting to “cuddle and nurse” that song may have gone over some people’s heads. I could understand it though for sure.

        There is absolutely no point in writing about things just to get the interactions and views. That is a quick- and sure-fire way to burn out. Yeah you may put on that facade for a while, but inside you are dreading the whole process since the creativity has been gone. A writer without the creative freedom is like a painter with no paint you know?

        Like me, I read and review books, but I also do the prompt writing as well. I do that as to not go days without writing while I am reading. It keeps my mind flowing with ideas I may not have thought about yet or allows me to flush out thoughts that I have been craving to put out there. Basically, the viewers will come regardless, so I would rather be putting stuff out there that is coming from a genuine and honest place.

        I appreciate the kind words. There is a sense of protection I feel from being on the internet that does give me more confidence to be myself on this platform. Who knows how outspoken I would be if I was up in front of people you know?

      5. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        Yes, smoking is pretty, pretty, pretty bad – especially for someone who has asthma. But that’s water under the bridge; you’re now going full steam ahead with your new healthy pursuits. “Noice,” as us Aussies like to pronounce it! Haha.

        Yes, you hit the nail on the head about being inspired by the subject matter so the creative juices just naturally flow. The thing is, you have to be genuinely curious about it (a passion); otherwise – as you say – you’ll be bored and frustrated by the process. And the readers will pick up on that.

        I think it’s cool how you do what you call “prompt writing”, so you can express your feelings and not get bogged down solely in taking in information through reading, but also channel it out through writing. Smart cookie, lol. I should take that on board and adopt it myself.

        Oh yes, the internet provides a wall of anonymity, to some degree, so we can let loose without worrying how we’ll be judged in an actual social, face-to-face setting. I just love getting lost in the whole world of writing – which it sounds like you do too.

      6. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        Lol people up here say Noice as well. I believe that saying became popular from a meme if I am not mistaken lol

        Passion is definitely a must. Me talking about books and things I actually enjoy, versus me being forced to write about the principles of physics, are two very different experiences for me and the reader lol

        Prompt writing was always something I LOVED in writing class. I always got annoyed by all the complaints with all the other illiterate children when it was time to write. I would be popping off, to the point where I was actually told to chill out a bit since the teacher did not have enough time to read all I wrote everyday lol It really gets your inspiration juices flowing that help with the main content of reviews.

        Yes and I love the whole feeling like you are free to say what you need to. Obviously within reason. Writing is like opening up that door to your inner true self and I love that. Including the more brain rot thoughts lol

      7. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        ‘Noice’ is also said in the US – wow. Surprised me to read that since it fits so well with the Australian elongated accent. Haha.

        Quantum Physics and Cosmology fascinate me. I’m not a high IQ guy by any stretch and I can’t do the Maths, but the whole mystery and paradoxes surrounding the natural world (especially at the microcosmic level) blows my mind. I sometimes find myself just binge watching videos about it. But if you had asked me at your age if I was curious about Quantum Physics – I would have scoffed at you. It was probably the last thing on my mind.

        I had to chuckle when I read how your teacher did not have enough time to read everything you wrote everyday. I know the feeling ROFL. I’m just kidding – I love reading everything you write about and there’s a lot! But it’s god stuff.

      8. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        Lol I like stressing out some words from time to time to switch things up a bit lol

        I can appreciate the appeal for sure, it is just not for me. The social sciences and psychology side of things are where my brain pops off. Lol I get having different interests when you get older as well. You sometimes do feel like a totally different person sometimes than when you were a child.

        She was super sweet about it as well, so it was no problem. I know my hand was happy I was no longer writing so much. I used to get terrible cramps in my palm and wrist. Lol I am glad the volume of words does not bother you lol Thanks 🙂

      9. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        Oh, I’ve always had a bent toward the social sciences and psychology as well—majoring in Political Science and completing a Master’s in Education. Oh and the volume of your wording would never bother me ;-P
        The quantum physics stuff is more of a hobby for kicks and giggles for me.

      10. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        Oh, wow I did not realize you had your master’s! Unless if you have mentioned it before then I am sorry lol That is amazing.
        Sometimes my volume annoys me because I always pressure myself to write more words that I did yesterday, even though it may not be reasonable or needed.
        That is crazy to me to do quantum physics for fun lol but I get it.

      11. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        No worries Ash. Thanks for your kind words. It’s really not a big deal – those Masters are a dime a dozen anyhows lol

        You shouldn’t beat yaself up or stress too much about the quantity of writing. Quality is the thing to go after. Also remember the ol’ writer’s slogan – ‘If in doubt cut it out’. Oh and on that, if you get bored one day – I wrote an article about its significance – if you ever care to read more on it:
        https://observationblogger.com/2019/09/04/if-in-doubt-cut-it-out-reflections-on-ernest-hemingways-writing/

        But in saying that, if its just for practice purposes – getting used to the process and mastering it – then yeh – fill ya boots with quantity. These are only my two cents worth – follow ya passion

      12. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        I get that bit still, you put in the work so that is awesome and worthy of praise!

        I have gotten over the quantity anxiety for the most part. The mentality of progressing farther then your previous attempt is what kept dragging me down. I realized that, like you said, in writing the quality matters so much more than the number of words. After all, there are so many people who reach for that specific word count, that are not actually saying too much of anything of importance lol

        I appreciate the advice! IT is mainly just the act of getting rid of some negative mentalities that end up hurting my writing in the long run.

      13. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        Thanks – that’s very kind of you, Ash.
        I can relate a lot to what you’re saying about writing as a way of clearing out negative thinking. And I hope that paradoxically my own little self revelation below doesn’t act as a downer to you or what you are doing. I’m inspired by it.
        Everything is the journey – there is no destination as the saying kinda goes.

        In my early 30s, after leaving the Navy, I wrote an autobiography. I hope I’m not repeating myself by telling you this story. Anyway, I treated it as a post-analysis, therapeutic exercise covering my life up to that point. I took it seriously – seriously enough to send it to a few publishers who rejected it as quickly as you could say WTF! Hehe

        Fast forward about a decade and I reread it, only to realise very quickly that 90–95% of it was trash. I cringed the whole way through. The biggest weakness, apart from my sh*tty writing, was my attitude as the author – as if I were some great moral beacon, my life was somehow noteworthy. With hindsight, it read as completely pathetic. Lol. The only decent material from it ended up here, on my blog.

        So what’s my point? What I once thought was respectable and important about myself – and how I moved through the world – was mostly a load of bollocks. I didn’t know diddly squat. Haha. I still don’t. And that’s what I learned.

      14. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        I appreciate you sharing that!
        Taking the time to send in your draft took some guts as well. I know how cutthroat publishers can be lol Even if your mentality may have been a bit misguided, it was still a journey you chose to take on.
        Writing, however cringe it ends up being, is still a process to getting to where you are writing masterpieces.
        Also once you realize you know everything about your craft, there is no longer any point to pursuing it further, so it is good to always keep a learner’s mind and heart with whatever you are doing.

      15. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        Silly journey, but a journey none the less. You are exactly right about keeping a learner’s heart. You never arrive.. you just keep trying to get better. Well the great ones like Charles Dickens, Dostoievski (I’ll never spell his name right – a work in progress) and Hemmingway did get it right. So that’s what we all lean towards as futile as that may seem.

      16. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        Also I read the article and enjoyed reading the passage from Hemingway. Thanks for that.

      17. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        Oh, I’m so encouraged that you enjoyed it. The ‘wit’ in that passage is amazing – isn’t it?

        I know you must get this a lot – but you must read – ‘The Sun Also Rises’ if you haven’t already and his ‘The Old Man and the Sea’.
        That’s writing!

      18. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        He was a very witty and snarky person for sure lol

        I do need to check out his stuff; I cannot remember if there are any risqué stuff in his books though.

      19. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        I think in all great writing, your preconceived ideas and comfort space are challenged. The Russian ‘Dostoevsky’ is a master of that – it turns the mirror on your own heart and soul. It’s unreal.

      20. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        Oh absolutely. Then there is the whole comparing your writing to all the well-known authors out there. I am sorry but I am not interested in being Stephen King or even Agatha Christie. They are well known for a reason, but I am not trying to be a poser, just genuine.

      21. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        Personally, without wanting to sound too aloof, I’ve always preferred not to waste my time reading – or writing, for that matter – things that are merely popular, formulaic, or easy. I’m drawn to work that is challenging and of the highest quality, which is why I’ve always had a soft spot for the old literary classics. Life’s too short, I figure.

        That said, the most important thing is that you enjoy reading – whatever genre floats your boat, hehe.

      22. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        I respect that.
        I go through phases with reading for sure. There are some books I read when I want to be faced with the deeper meanings behind things, like the classics do wonderfully. But then there are those times in which I just want to sit down and read something that I can just get lost in the world and not think too deeply about things.

        I agree the most important thing is to enjoy what you are reading. All those books I was forced to read for school did not make me enjoy those books at all, and we read some great books for sure.

      23. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        I think it’s a really good thing to have those phases you referred to. Mix it up a bit!

      24. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        Exactly! That way it does not get too stale or boring.

  2. observationblogger Avatar
    observationblogger

    You know who I forgot and was the most primordial monumental read for me as a stand alone writing feat? Virginia Woolf’s ‘To the Lighthouse’. If I had to just go to one book and say – this is the best writing of all time – and was the greatest written book I’d ever read it would be that one. I wrote about it here:

    https://observationblogger.com/2015/03/31/virginia-woolfs-final-letter-read/

    Reply
  3. observationblogger Avatar
    observationblogger

    I’m certain, this is your book. No sex, nothing controversial just the best writing of all time in the thoughts of all the characters. I cannot tell you how big this is. ‘To The Lighthouse’ is beyond amazing and it might take you years to get it and understand – like it did me, but there’s nothing that comes close to how other worldly it is, yet just penetrates your whole being as a reader.

    Reply
    1. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
      Ashley Kittrell

      Dang such high praise! I have added “To The Lighthouse” to my TBR. Virginia’s life seemed to be full of darkness, so I am curious to see how she wrote.

      Reply
      1. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        Happy Saturday to you Ashley. Will you be watching any of the NFL this weekend? Do you support Houston? If so I’ll be cheering them on for you tomorrow. I’ve been going for Broncos this year since a friend of mine lives and teaches music there and is a big Broncos fan.

        I got a bit overexcited in my recommendation to you of ‘To the Lighthouse’, but I think it well and truly deserves all the hype. Yes, Virginia had it pretty rough with depression and the manner she killed herself is truly horrifying and just so sad. I think the book thankfully is a big departure from all those yukky things. It’s is beyond beautifully written. I haven’t read its equal.

      2. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        Honestly, I do not follow the NFL. Obviously, I would like Texas to make it to the Superbowl for sure so yeah that would be nice. My family has moved to supporting the Houston teams other than the Dallas Cowboys and Texas Rangers. It is weird having competing teams in the same state lol The Broncos seem to have been doing pretty decently this year as well.

        All good. I enjoy the passion you showed. I intend to check it out for sure, especially if it is not so dreary and heavy like her actual life was.

      3. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        Well Denver pulled off a miracle, but their quarterback Bo Nix is out for the rest of the season – Uh Oh! Will tune into the Texans later today. Yes, it’s curious how there are two teams for one state and you guys went the way of Houston.

        Re. ‘To the Lighthouse’ – is written more as if Woolf is in the very mind of the character – so it’s a stream of consciousness, not so heavy plot driven – if memory serves me correct.

      4. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        Denver has been pretty good no? Everybody is always getting hurt, hopefully he is alright. The Houston teams just seem to have more of their crap together most of the time. I also like their mascots more, so it feels more fun in general watching Houston.

        Ah, good. Honestly I did not want to read something too depressing. I am down for some deeper thinking reads at this point for sure.

      5. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        I’m not even to go into the outrageously bad performance of Houston’s Stroud last night – but I’d be getting rid of him as fast as I could say his name. Dios mio man!

      6. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        Lol I was hearing a bunch of stuff about him today. They are apparently thinking about sacking him for sure. I do not know what it is, but our quarterbacks have always been hit or miss, mainly misses.

      7. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        This will sound harsh, but I swear if I was Houston’s fan – I’d have sworn he was throwing the game away from the get-go for big bucks…that’s how bad he did.

      8. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        I swear this is a trend for the QBs especially! I remember back when Tony Romo was still with the Dallas Cowboys, he would pull very suspicious things and make some questionable calls as well. He used to anger many men in my family lol

      9. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        I have only been watching NFL with some interest in the last year or so, but I was familiar with the player Tony Romo. I didn’t know that controversy about him, but I can see your family’s frustration. In the short time I have been watching I have never seen a QB performance as utterly incompetent as Stroud’s on Sunday, not even in the same vicinity of ‘That’s BAD’!

      10. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        Yeah, my dad had a nickname for him that I should probably not repeat here that’s for sure lol Sports has always been one of those aspects of life that we take way too seriously in my opinion. Especially in the south, football even at the high school level is like some sort of sacred pastime with how people act.
        Do not even get me started with pee-wee or minor sports teams with all the CRAZY family members in the stands. I have seen some fights started because something snarky was said or the umps made a bad call.
        That is crazy about Shroud though. I can feel people’s disdain for him lol

      11. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        Just blurt out the nickname your Dad used – I won’t be offended! Just don’t leave me hanging girl Haha

        Re: sports being taken too seriously – we’ll have to agree to differ on that, especially since it’s fast becoming one of the few things you can watch unfold in real time as a purely human performance, untouched by AI enhancement.

        But you make a great point about the ‘do or die’ problems related to how people treat or follow sports. You don’t know the half of it. hehe.

        Parents here with Soccer (as you guys and Australians call it) – here in Colombia we simply call it ‘football’. The parents really can turn ugly much as what you have described. I mean a Colombian footballer was assassinated for his own goal at the US World Cup in 1994! He was the Captain – Andres Escobar.

        The other thing about Shroud which incensed me was his total ‘deer in the headlights’ expression throughout. I was thinking ‘by Gawd, be a man – a winner’. You don’t like the cold? You gotta be ‘expletives here’ kidding me. lol

      12. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        Lol it was Tony Homo or Tony the Homo. Real classy lol

        Do not get me wrong, I have no issue with people enjoying sports and stuff like that, we just should not take losing out on the super bowl as some sort of diss of our ancestors. I have seen grown men lose their minds over a game and in turn, ruin the mood of the family gathering and holiday. I dont like that at all lol

        The parents of the players are sometimes the worst about it. They can get so petty especially if they have that mentality of their baby can do no wrong. No! The WORST ones are the parents who think every team needs a trophy. UGH!! There are no participation trophies in life so get off of it. Sickening!

        I heard of the Andres Escobar assassination! That was mentally insane.

        Was that game out of Texas? If so, many of us Texas cannot take the cold lol but for him, I am like you are getting paid literal millions of dollars, you can handle the dang cold. Be a MAN as you said lol

      13. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        I actually guessed it was ‘homo’ lol Oh yeh, it shouldn’t shake the family to the core – a sports game. I can see your problem with that.

        Yeh, got ya about the whole participation thing. When they let men into female sports like boxing and swimming – well –and when Trump went to town on that – I had to give my full support for him. To just listen to the excruciating reactions of actual females contending against biological males made my blood boil.

        Exactly..re Shroud…you get paid millions…go to work you piece of …..

      14. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        Yeah, real creative with that one lol Such an unfortunate last name as well.

        Oh gosh do not even get me started on the men parading around like women. That is one thing I agree full heartedly with this administration. Absolute lunacy for society to be enabling actual mental illness as if it were normal. If I was any of those women who were injured, I would be raising some Hell, that’s for sure!

      15. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        https://youtu.be/NSXQWj0HEBE

      16. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        Just an aside, in case you like it…He toured Melbourne in December:
        https://youtu.be/belBBGhCkA4

  4. observationblogger Avatar
    observationblogger

    I’m so relieved, because I was wondering what drew me so much to you a fellow blogger and only now I realize – this book ‘To The lighthouse’. That’s it. That’s how I felt I knew you and get it. Call me ‘loco’, but everything in that book is what I love about you. In a totally blogger-friend platonic sense..

    Reply

Leave a Reply

● About Me

Hello! I am Ashley and I simply love to read, and hope you do to!
I am currently 28 years old and living in the state of Texas, USA.

My favorite genres to read and review include romance, fantasy, mystery, and many subgenres of those as long as it is clean. I mainly get my books from my Kindle Unlimited membership, but I also found myself checking out library books on Libby as well.

As you can see, I do not solely post book reviews, I also love posting daily prompt writing, as well as stuff that is going on in my life currently. That being said, my passion is reading and reviewing books to my heart’s content, so hopefully that is something you are also interested in.

I do have a Goodreads where you can follow if you desire (no pressure!) I also have a StoryGraph, of which you can follow me here.

● Currently Reading
● CuRrently Listening To
● NetGalley

Professional Reader

● Archives

Discover more from The Gentle Chapter

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading