The Gentle Chapter

When I first felt like an adult (DP#40)

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I would say one of the first times I felt like an adult was when my husband (then boyfriend) and I visited his mom and stepdad for the first time. It was the first time we were driving for hours on end by ourselves. It was pretty stressful since I was so afraid something would happen to the truck or that we would get murdered or something lol Very dramatic I know, but I was not a fan of being in a vehicle for long periods of at that point. We ended up making it to there and back perfectly fine and now I have grown fond of road trips.

Being 28, I still struggle with my image of being an adult. To be honest, I still very much feel like a child at heart, which can be a good thing to not FEEL old. However, when the older adults in your life continuously try to fit you back into that box of being their little babies, it makes it difficult to truly grow up. It also does not help the situation when I feel like I have never been completely independent from family. I have always either lived with my parents, or my father-in-law, simply due to the fact we cannot afford our own house. I also still live only about 10 minutes from my mom and sister, so they always feel a bit too close sometimes.

I am hoping and praying that everything with the van or RV allows me to truly finally feel like the adult I am. Forcing myself and everyone around me to accept that fact that I am my own independent person that can make my own decisions, regardless of how everyone else feels about it.

22 responses to “When I first felt like an adult (DP#40)”

  1. observationblogger Avatar
    observationblogger

    Your introspective posts often make me ponder….
    I often look back and feel it was my seemingly nonsensical decision to travel from Australia to Colombia that ultimately taught me to grow up – after many painstaking years of learning the language and overcoming the culture shock. My kids played a huge part in this journey, effectively saving me from the tormented soul I once was

    Reply
    1. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
      Ashley Kittrell

      I can totally see that. Yours was way more dramatic since you traveled cross globe. I bet that had some terrifying moments. That is what I am hoping with our plans for van life, just being able to escape from the familial ties a bit and experience our own ways of life. It is our journey to travel.

      Reply
      1. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        I’ve never had any terrifying moments here in Colombia. Although you often read about it being a violent country — or at least having that reputation due to narco-trafficking and socialist guerrilla wars, which have of course been horrific and caused hundreds of thousands of needless deaths over the decades — Colombia, at least in its safer regions, is remarkably hospitable and chill. In fact, with its magnificent wildlife, biodiversity, and breathtaking scenery, the country should really be a tourist mecca. It’s a real shame that this potential hasn’t yet been fully realized.

        You must be thrilled about your plans for van life – how exciting! Breaking free from the shackles of family and roaming wild across those vast, open states sounds like such an enriching and fulfilling adventure. I can’t wait to hear how it all unfolds.

      2. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        Im glad things have been smooth for you! I have definitely heard some of the horror stories about that country, but you hear crap all the time about the states, so I learn to take things I hear with a grain of salt. It sounds like such a beautiful place, so I am surprised that it isn’t a tourist hot spot! Wasted potential.

        I am very excited but, with every life changing decision, it comes with a whole lot of anxiety of the unknown.

      3. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        Now that I am fluent in Spanish and I can comprehend almost anything and express myself as I wish to, I feel a lot more at ease emotionally. Also I live in arguably the best locality of Bogota and have forged a daily routine to minimise the stress of the city and enjoy a healthy and laidback lifestyle. My pension goes so far here as well which it wouldn’t in Australia or the US due to the cost of living.

      4. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        I can see how learning the native language would make you feel more comfortable. I could not imagine the isolation and anxiety that would cause me. Moving to a foreign place like that was very brave of you! You are retired? Psh I understand that completely. My mom gets my dad’s SS checks every month and you would think it would be enough to get by just based on how long he worked but nah.

      5. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        Such are the cultural and language differences and difficulty settling in – very few western foreigners manage to cope here -long term, which would explain for comparatively few permanent residents from Aus, Eng, US and Europe. I stick out like a sore thumb amongst the general population.

        I now feel well adapted here where by I’d feel lost / bored if I lived anywhere else. The only thing I really miss is living close to the beach. Bogota couldn’t be further away from it.

        Yes, I’m a military pensioner. As you wrote about your father SS checks, my pension also wouldn’t last long in Australia or in your neck of the woods. That’s sad your father SS amount isn’t more given how long he worked. The cost of living here for me is up to 3 times cheaper than it would be in Australia – yet another reason I like it here. I live very comfortably and can provide for my children and their mother doesn’t have to work.

      6. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        That makes sense and true, I have yet to meet somebody to made that move permanent before you.

        I am happy you have carved this whole way of life for yourself in such a foreign place. It is understandable to miss the beach, but you get all this new beautiful land to explore!

        That is amazing! I am glad you were able to make your money stretch and last so much longer there. It is yet another atrocity of the ruling parties of the world. The fact we could all bust or behinds working our entire lives, just to be paid pennies in our golden years. Disgusting. There are so many traditional families where the woman wants to be a stay-at-home mother but can’t, due to the high costs of living. You can have an American Dream only if you want to work yourself sick and forget your family. At least, that is what it feels like.

      7. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        Thanks for your kind encouragement and thoughtful words about having new land to explore — right on. I largely have my kids and their mother to thank for that; they’ve been the reason and the motivation for me to forge a life for myself here. It’s a life that’s fairly simple and frugal in terms of material possessions, but deeply satisfying, healthy, and largely stress-free. I often find myself wondering, How did I end up here? But it’s a kind of adventurous and exciting moment of realisation — a happy accident of circumstance, you might say, lol.

        Once again, your reflections on how the modern family and the American Dream have changed — just in the last few decades — are spot on. When my parents were my age, a single income could support an entire family. The father was often the sole breadwinner, while the mother could either tend to the household full-time or work part-time. Now, both parents usually have to work just to cover the mortgage or rent — it’s obscene.

        Young people across the Western world can no longer afford their first homes due to the astronomical rise in property prices. Home ownership has become a luxury rather than an expectation. And this madness of allowing property investors to buy dozens, even hundreds of properties, is pushing prices and rents even higher — effectively locking the next generation out of the market. It’s one of the greatest travesties to befall Western capitalism.

      8. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        No problem! I have met tons of people who have dreamed of moving to a whole new place and embracing a whole new culture but very few people ever end up doing what you did. It has been very interesting to me.

        Exactly. Looking back on it, the American Dream as it was taught by the school system and our families include working yourself to death, until maybe you can retire and enjoy the fruits of your labor. Or be born rich or marry rich lol I have always had to work even with just my husband and I and have always enjoyed it to an extent. I have never had a job that I would want to do for the rest of my life. The more traditional family has become a rarity. My cousins, the same ones with the cows, are the only ones that I know personally who can do the housewife life.

        The real estate business is great when you get into yourself but monopolizes the market when you are not. That is something we have been wary of since looking into selling. We have gotten many offers from investment groups, but we are looking for the slower route in which it would go to a family themselves. I can see the appeal of selling to investors, but it feels scummy. Especially since they would probably tear the whole place down and pack the whole property with duplexes with no yards.

      9. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        I don’t know if I’ve already mentioned it, but I came to Colombia to meet Constanza — the mama of my kids. Of course, we didn’t have kids yet when she first contacted me while I was still living in Melbourne. My eldest was conceived soon after I arrived in Colombia, and I stayed. The rest is history, as they say, hehe.

        When it comes to money and real estate, I’ve always been pretty ignorant and nonchalant about both. I’ve lived from paycheck to paycheck and almost never saved — partly from succumbing to my vices, lack of inclination & responsibility,etc

        So, the house you’re selling — is it yours and your husband’s? You sound savvy, yet understandably cautious about who you sell to. I’d imagine most people wouldn’t be too picky (or would care less) about what the property might become, as long as the price was right. So I actually admire you both for having a moral conscience about the consequences of the sale. I wish you well with the whole process.

      10. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        Constanza sounds like a song! That is a fantastic story you have!

        The house we live in is actually owned by my father-in-law. We have been living with him and all three of us are in charge of getting it ready for sale. My husband’s aunt used to own a house rental business, so her information has been very helpful for this whole process. We will be going through one of her realtors hopefully instead of an investor. Lord willing lol

      11. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        I’m sure there are many songs with Constanza in the title. It’s just such a Spanish name isn’t it? In fact it has Italian and Spanish origen from latin meaning Constant or steadfastness and been in use since the Middle ages and got really popular in the 1960’s.

        Good luck with the sale of the house. It sounds like you are in good hands indeed.

      12. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        It definitely is a beautiful name with rich heritage for sure!

        Thank you so much for the encouragement!

      13. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        Yeh, the name conjures in my mind the image of a beautiful woman dancing to flamenco music in a red dress . A bit like Madonna in ‘Isla Bonita’ ;-P

      14. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        Yes same!

      15. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        I think that’s the only song by Madonna I actually like a lot. Hehe

      16. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        I used to love her ‘Material Girl’ song lol I honestly struggle to listen to her music now. Heck, I struggle to listen to most mainstream music now.

      17. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        Ok, let me tell you what happened yesterday — and seriously, what are the chances? So get this: I was telling you – how I like Madonna’s ‘La Isla Bonita’ and pretty much nothing else from her. Then I go to the gym, and lo and behold, during the Spinning Power class, what comes blasting through the speakers? Material Girl — by none other than the 80’s pop queen herself. A song I hadn’t heard again since it came out.

        And here’s the kicker: as I’m listening, I’m thinking, you know what, I actually kinda like this. Maybe I was wrong about what I told Ashley regarding Madonna’s music. I even recorded the name of the song on my mobile, thinking I might write about it one day.

        So, gym session done, I get home and read your comment replying to mine – and what do you say? That you “used to love Material Girl.” No way! Then I check the timestamp and realize your message came through about the same time I was hearing Material Girl at the gym. How spooky is that? What are the odds — one in a million or more? I’m still shaking my head, befuddled by the coincidental nature of all that stuff. Really.

      18. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        Whoa that is crazy! Witchcraft!!!! Lol That actually happens to me quite a bit where I am thinking about a song or just mentioned it and Bam! it comes on the radio. This is the first time it has coincided over the interwebs so that is pretty cool 🙂

        Material Girl brings back so much nostalgia plus I enjoyed the Marilyn Monroe movie ‘Gentlemen Prefer Blondes’ that the music video is based off of.

      19. observationblogger Avatar
        observationblogger

        Hey, Madonna’s no saint, but “Witchcraft”!? Where you going with this, gal?
        Haha, I’m just being silly. I must say, that whole song coincidence we had was a first for me – just crazy, inexplicable timing! It totally undercut my earlier jab about not liking much else from Madonna, only to line up perfectly with your soon-to-be-read love of the Material Girl. I feel almost compelled to write about what happened in an upcoming post – because it’s more than a little trippy.
        Interesting trivia about the music video. I only recall having seen Marilyn in ‘Some Like it Hot’. ‘Gentlemen Prefer Blondes’ looks like a hoot.

      20. Ashley Kittrell Avatar
        Ashley Kittrell

        Lol I was actually referring to myself since I seem to be connected to the radio waves lol Definitely feel free to write about it if you wish. It was pretty cool and trippy for sure!
        I have seen her in only a few things but that is my favorite movie of hers, so I appreciate the nod to it from Madonna.

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Hello! I am Ashley and I simply love to read, and hope you do to!
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